I’m Choosing to be Uncomfortable

Life isn’t meant to be in a box….

I’ve been having a conversation recently, some because of my situation and some because I like to discuss change, on how life for so many people is staying in what is comfortable. We never leave that zone because it’s all we know, and all we are prepared to do. We don’t want to challenge ourselves. We don’t want the struggle. We don’t want to fail.

I’ve been living in a safe yet adventurous environment my whole life—a solid support system where I was challenged to try new things—but I wanted to grow even more. I wanted to be put in a spot where I have to keep pushing forward to see the hard work pay off.

Leaving behind everything to grow in areas you’re weak in isn’t the first thing we think to do. We’re often told to “find yourself” or experience what life has to offer, but what guidelines does that offer us? How do we obtain what we know little about?

God’s often put it on my heart to travel, but He’s often said wait. It’s been a back and forth process of figuring out what exactly I’m meant to do, or where to go. This time, He made it possible to chase the opportunities I desired in unexpected ways and I readily embraced it. I chose the discomfort because I could feel this draw, an inner desire, to go out and live somewhere new.

I don’t want to be trapped in perfectionist ideals. I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to pitter out and lose on potential growth because I’m scared. Fear seemed like a weak excuse to end up with regrets.

It’s easy for me to withdraw, to close myself off at the uncomfortable and to stick to what I know. When I decided to move abroad I was worried that I wouldn’t put myself out there because of unfamiliar surroundings, a language I can’t understand, and the awkward encounters. But every time I push through I experience something I would have missed out on.

{relying on the kindness of strangers}

Traveling via bus: I had never been to any of the main bus stations before, and had booked my tickets online. I missed my first express bus because of traffic and then I couldn’t find where my bus was since it was my first time at the station. After going up and asking where to go, an employee helped me purchase a ticket for the next bus…yet that wasn’t the end of the trip. My final station was even bigger than the first, and I had no clue where in the building I was or where I exited, so I was walked around looking for signs and maps. An older gentleman, whom I found out was from my bus, saw me wandering around the terminal and helped me figure out where I needed to go and walked me out and to my stop since it was so late. If I decided to stay in my area I wouldn’t have been able to see more of South Korea, or encountered the kindness of strangers as I tried to navigate through new cities and subways I was unfamiliar with.

I stumbled upon a rock gym one day, and debated on going in or not, but the next day I decided to go in and at least have a look around. I haven’t climbed in a very long time, and it was something I was familiar with and didn’t need a lot of instruction in. I needed something active to do, and doing a regular gym for workouts is not my kid of scene, so I was really excited to find it. It was definitely awkward when I first went in, but I met other climbers who spoke English who helped me sign up, and the workers there were super kind despite the fact we can’t communicate in the same language. Each time I go back now I learn a little bit more about them and myself as I challenge myself physically.

They are only a couple encounters, and seemingly simple, but it would have been easy to let fear keep me from putting myself in those situations when there are language barriers. Instead, I ended up making connections within my community and I look forward to going out now. Each time I do, it’s uncomfortable, but I grow from it. I become more confident whether I fail or succeed because I want to do better. I put myself in those situations and learn from them each time I do. Sometimes I regret it because it feels exhausting or awkward, or I want my habits to be consistent and not broaden myself, but when I don’t allow myself to be comfortable the end results last longer than if I had chosen what was easy. I’m afraid of failure, but the fear isn’t strong enough to keep me from living.