Always but Never: empty words

you probably didn’t notice
until we got closer
how always and never are two words i’ve left unspoken
i don’t think i noticed when
but as time went on
it became impossible for me to promise
things that might never be
because people’s words were often broken
they said always but didn’t show
they said never but then they did
they came and went as they liked
never thinking about the consequences of the words they said
and now that part of me can no longer believe…

~~~<>~~

A recent conversation with a friend left me quiet for a time because I couldn’t say the words they wanted to hear. I struggled because I realized that I didn’t want them to think it might not be true, but because of my own thoughts, I was unable to say them. 

There are both pros and cons to not saying something you think is true (and I don’t mean the sense of what is true and false, but that area of uncertainty). For years, I thought it was a simple understanding that you only said what you meant, and if life happened that was out of your control. But as time passed I quickly came to realize that our society makes it so easy to say things we don’t mean whenever we want. 

I was stuck on the phone, unable to say the words always and never because…What if? There was still this small chance and I didn’t want to later regret my words, even if there was no reason to be worried at that moment. I got so quiet on the call that I wasn’t sure what to do next because I didn’t even realize it was a problem for me. It was a serious call, one where we were contemplating and figuring out our emotions and I didn’t want to take that lightly. By the end of the night, I reassured them that I didn’t say it because something bad might happen, but because I hadn’t come to terms with being able to say those two words unless I truly believed it, and I couldn’t trust myself. 

Afterward, I got stuck thinking about the subject. I say always when I know I can keep my words on my end. But when it comes to life–and it’s oh so many surprises–I try not to. There are too many what-ifs. It’s one thing to say things lightheartedly, but another when you are at a point where what you say affects more than just a simple conversation.

I think it’s something important to remember. If you don’t think you can promise always, don’t. Communicating things we don’t mean will only make it harder for people to trust us later on. Empty words make it hard for both parties because it’s not just you in the equation. And if we can take the time to think a little more before saying such things, we could save everyone even just a bit of pain in an already difficult world to navigate. 

~Do you make promises easily or do you take your time and think?